Just how exactly did I come to find myself squatting in someone’s disaster counting their rolls of toilet paper? This certainly wasn’t anything I imagined for my future when I lay in bed, staring up at the constellation of glow-in-the dark-stars that spattered my teenaged skies. At the very least, the doors my little golden Phi Beta Kappa key were going to open weren’t supposed to be X’ed with yellow caution tape and kicked in with my own foot…

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